WITG is Paradise

After attending countless info sessions, coffee chatting dozens of incoming summer analysts, and most importantly, buying LinkedIn Premium, the PennClubs application has finally opened. DMing PMs over the summer, you know they were impressed that you’d already purchased LinkedIn Premium and had researched the minute details of their courses and careers.

You have your sights set on the most prestigious investing club on campus: the Wharton Investment and Trading Group.

From what you’ve heard, the place is practically a pipeline to PJT - the dapper PMs are always surrounded by the university’s hottest girls at the best Castle parties, where they laugh at the plebeians going to Goldman Sachs.

And, you know the hierarchy. After reading the WSO post, the only real teams are SSG, Tac Opps, and TMT, then in descending order: Global Macro, Real Estate, Consumer Retail, Healthcare, Energy, and Quant if you can tough it. So, you choose to apply to SSG and Tac Opps. To the moon, right?

Cracking your knuckles, you get to work crafting the best 500-word stock pitch that’s ever been seen on Spirit Airlines (you heard some senior talking about it in the forum so while you’ve never flown it, it must be a good stock).

Two weeks later, your work pays off. In your email, it reads “[ACTION REQUIRED] SSG Interview Request”. You eagerly click open the email and place your name in the first time slot on the Google Sheet.

The next morning, you head to your interview in your most stylish suit and the Ferragamo deal sleds you took with you from your father’s closet - he won’t miss them, they’re one of 6 pairs.

Awaiting you in GSR 269 sit two interviewers. The most ripped man you’ve ever seen looks you up and down while his biceps are barely fitting through his Citadel branded t-shirt. The other interviewer is a refined, slender woman with the entire Cartier LOVE collection on her left wrist, a clearly designer bag, and freshly blown out hair.

You introduce yourself, and take a seat. They begin to ask you about your stock pitch, and you quote r/securitiesanalysis. Then, they ask you, “How many windows are in Manhattan?”

You freeze. And you ask yourself. What would Jordan Belfort do? Taking a deep breath, you confidently respond: “Sell me this pen.” And begin reciting the holy grail of every finance major: the Wolf of Wall Street script.

Impressed, the interviews turn to each other chuckling, they’ve obviously never seen an applicant as skilled and prepared as you before. Only a select few Wharton students have seen Wolf of Wall Street, Succession, Margin Call, and the even more rare, Big Short. With the sum of your finance knowledge and interpersonal skills, these interviewers are blown away. You’re obviously on the path to being the first second semester PM.

You walk out of your interview, knowing you killed it. You’re basically guaranteed a spot in SSG at this point, and thus, a spot at Citadel. Moreover, you’ll be the envy of your entire NSO PHINS group, full of pretentious losers studying Political Science.

A few days later, you receive a Status Update: email, this time from Tac Opps. You didn’t get in. But it’s okay. You know your SSG interview was spectacular, and you can always transfer into another WITG team later.

Finally, the wait is over. Rolling into your inbox reads “WITG Status Update”.

Dear Applicant,

This year was an incredibly competitive year for committee applications. While we cannot offer you a position on SSG, we are excited to invite you to join our Dev Team! Meeting every week, you’ll learn from our skilled PMs about modeling, fundamentals, and so much more.

Please apply again next semester!

You sigh. Maybe you’re not in SSG. Clearly it was yield protection, just like in college admissions, like when you were rejected from every school you didn’t have legacy, including SUNY Binghamton.

And, you didn’t even know what Dev Team is. Someone even mentioned it had a 100% acceptance rate, as it is the general body member program. But hey. It’s WITG. You’re still better than every other student, wasting precious time doing frivolous activities to bring them joy rather than starting their own blockchain consulting firm.

And, maybe, you’ll settle for a spot at Goldman. After all, you’re still at WITG the most prestigious club on campus, and you’re far more prepared than all the randos having fun.

Sighing, you update your LinkedIn status to “Incoming WITG Dev Team Analyst”.

WITG is paradise.