Need Advice for 3Y+ Funemployed Friend
Monkeys, I am a concerned friend seeking advice for a fellow John Doe who is currently in a professional (and sexual) drought. For context, he did 2 years of mandatory National Service and then got an Econ degree (4 year program) in the UK at a target school (Oxford/Cambridge/LSE). He pursued an IB/Consulting internship his penultimate year but failed to secure anything due to various reasons. His ego and confidence tanked, and that was just the start of his descent. He didn't complete an internship that year, and then COVID hit. He managed to graduate but failed to secure a FT job. Medical complications sidelined him for ~6 months, though he got healthy he didn't quite get back up on his two feet. Instead, he spiraled into an ouroboros of self-pity, conjuring lame excuses and reinforcing his sense of hopelessness.
He is now 28yo with no FT job experience but is allegedly applying for a Masters at elite schools in the UK with no safeties. My friends and I have tried to encourage him and provide advice, even offering to connect him with someone who could give a job or interview. He, however, turns down the offer and insists "it is okay" because he doesn't want to "put us in that position" and "doesn't want to take this offer over someone else more qualified or deserving." Moreover, he has complained to us that he doesn't want to pursue IB/MBB, which is justifiable, but he also doesn't want to take a low-paying or less prestigious job (he is ambivalent towards Big 4). He doesn't want to take any job, and he isn't pursuing his passion either. It is frustrating because he is so indecisive, yet he declares that he understands the position he is in and needs to have a sense of urgency.
We have also noticed that this has affected his game as of late. He is a sociable, cheery guy that can attract other females, and we can attest that other females have expressed interest too. The issue is he fails to close, and he can't seem to pinpoint why. We think that his lack of confidence and self-pity is starting to damage his personal life too. This is why I hope you guys could provide your two cents.
What would you do in his position? Should he even consider a Masters at this point considering he has no FT experience and no concrete idea of what he wants to do post Masters? How can he work on his confidence?
If he failed to secure something coming from an Oxbridge/LSE undergrad, a masters won't change anything. He needs to go to therapy and get his issues sorted.
What is his relationship with his parents? Are they funding this lifestyle? Any sort of pressure? I ask because I had a friend like this. Didn't manage to get good FT job due to average degree result (2.2, sort of like 3.0 GPA equiv in USA I suppose?). Kind of floated between various part time jobs, attempts to do entrepreneurship, and helping his parents in family restaurant business. The lack of confidence, depression etc eventually spiralled into him taking his life. But his overbearing pressuring parents were def a part of this ...especially as he came from an immigrant background....
I think best is to focus on some small business opportunity....even if it's running a lawn mowing / gardening business or something. Give him something to do, opportunity to scale etc...keep busy.
Could be completely different situation for your case though!
Perhaps you can look see if there are any specific resources / communities that help people escape the NEET lifestyle....
Valid point. I didn't really think a masters would fix anything.
Thanks for sharing your friend's story. Yeah I mean my friend is in a completely different situation. He comes from a wealthy background, and his parents are pressuring him but it doesn't seem too overbearing from my experiences speaking with his parents. He claims that his parents aren't funding him, but he still lives a relatively "easy going life" and has given unconvincing explanations as to how he is able to fund it. We didn't really press him too much for it.
But yeah that is some sound advice. He does need something to do, to keep busy, and to possibly scale. Will definitely look out for specific resources and communities.
Mowing lawns and doing gardening won't do much for his career long-term. He needs to land a corporate job, not help out in his parent's garden.
Can't tell if you're trolling or not, but I'll bite.
Your friend has put himself in a bad position, but you already know that. A Msc would not be a good route for him, because he already has a strong brand name on his CV (LSE). If I was to consider your friend, the big drawback is his lack of employment for this prolonged period of time without any sound reasoning behind it. Even against a significantly lower quality candidate, academically speaking, I'd still lean towards someone who is consistently mediocre, over someone who is occasionally brilliant and that I can't rely on showing up. I'd advise him the following:
Regarding his game and confidence, I think earning your own money and building professional confidence will rub off on his personal side as well. It's better to be rich and healthy, than poor and sick (Aristoteles, probably).
I wish it was a troll but it has gotten to the point that a couple of us thought it would be fruitful to hear from some others.
Great points and thanks for the outlined plan. I also agree that getting job and building professional confidence will also just boost his overall confidence.
I will reiterate the need for therapy. All this advice won't count for much if your friend lacks the mental fortitude to carry it through, which it sure sounds like he does. There are deeper issues at play, and you might be in danger of missing the forest for the trees.
Buddy sounds like a wet towel
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