Has anybody quit for mental health reasons and been able to rejoin PE or high finance more broadly?
Hello all,
I’m a PE associate that’s currently on VP track (for now) at a good fund with good culture that comps well.
Recently, my mental health has taken a nose dive for two reasons: (i) a parent died semi-recently and (ii) my fiancée broke up with me.
For additional context, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in my early teens. I’ve mostly been able to manage it without medications and have developed effective coping mechanisms, but the one two punch of the above have brought me to a new low that I’m currently unsure I can recuperate from.
I’ve been going to therapy since my fiancée broke up with me, but this is still fresh so TBD.
As is, I’m candidly spiraling and don’t think I can keep things together at work, or life in general really. I feel like I’m on the verge of a full breakdown.
I believe I have three options:
Try to augment things with therapy and continue to stay at my job, but risk reputation damage
See if I’m eligible for disability based on my recent mental health issues. I think this will probably prevent me from returning full time to my current role, but will give me some residual income to help cover expenses and perhaps most importantly insurance to continue to cover therapy, and perhaps any medications I may need
Just outright quit and take some time. While I’m a fan of the immediacy of this solution, I’m afraid of the lack of income / healthcare. I could potentially take a gap year or two and study for the GRE / apply to MBA programs for a reset.
As of now I’m leaning toward 2 or 3, but I’m not 100% sure how it would work with references, etc.
Does anybody have any experience first hand or anecdotally of someone making a graceful exit for mental health and not having it be career suicide?
Thanks
Are you in the US? You're eligible for 12 weeks of leave under FMLA. Mental health is covered. Don't need to tell your team specifics if you don't want to, just say there was an urgent health issue in your family.
I would try not to quit, at least without exhausting other options first. It's a long road back, especially if you generally like your fund / want to stay in PE. A 1-2 year gap year is (quite candidly) really going to introduce red flags to get back to PE, even if you do MBA. I would take disability or work out some sort of longer-term unpaid sabbatical with a return date before you just quit outright. If you are well-liked, your firm is likely willing to work with you... should explore that before just detonating a bomb that will be tough to undo.
I would at least start with the 12 weeks, see how you do, maybe try and go inpatient for a few weeks (or at least get more help than weekly therapy) if you feel it would help you.
This is probably going to be one of the hardest periods in your life and a major crosspoint in it, this decision will majorly affect your life in the future and who you're going to become as a person.
Life does get hard and while I can't give too much of an opinion on your situation I would just urge you to not take the easy path, please do not do it.
I know how good it feels whenever you think about taking the easy path and how it looks like life would be so much more enjoyable; thing is you are not factoring in the regret that's gonna hit you once you look back on the man you could've become and the life you could've lived, if you just thugged it out.
That said, mental health is a real thing and you should take care of yourself, I wish you the best.
I’m really sorry to hear this. I went through this - I had to take 7 weeks FMLA due to mental health years ago. Yes you can rejoin/bounce back and no it won’t destroy your career. If you are at this point that it’s a thought you are having I’m here to tell you that it’s time to do it. You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to. If your company offered short term disability (mine did and I was fully paid) start there as they can help you navigate. You don’t need to tell your boss/colleagues and HR will help. Very sorry to hear this but please believe there is hope, you can take care of this and you can get better.
Have you tried talking to your team, explaining the situation and asking for some time off? You can take your team's guidance? You can probably leave out the detail on the major disorder in your teens.
Personally, I've worked across a number of teams. I've never had someone say no or been penalized for taking pretty reasonable actions to look out for their health, particularly if it's communicated clearly and there is a well thought out ask.
I've also seen plenty of people self destruct their career or health over some perceived concern with asking for help, when all they had to do was ask and they would have been helped.
If you've been working with your team for a while and they've generally been good people, there is no reason not to at least give them a chance to help.
Why not talk to your company and explain the situation? Losing a parent and having your fiancée break up with you are pretty major incidents. I would not quit. There is no guarantee that leaving the job will solve your issues, but there is a chance that being unemployed and having a lot of time on your hands could exacerbate your mental health issues.
If the above suggestion does not work, I would try to explain your situation candidly and worst case scenario ask for unpaid sabbatical period of 6 months or so (assuming you can handle expenses) - this will show that you are serious in terms of taking care of your mental health.
Sorry for your loss as I also had a similar issue occurring back to back. You may be able to take comfort in that if you seek professional help and spirituality (if that is your thing) in the long run it will get better with time, slowly but surely.
Of course try to take above suggestions first if you are in the US.
Just wanted to say hang in there dude. You got this.
Just wanted to echo the above. You're loved and you'll get through this brother
I don’t think you would get much sympathy for your fiance dumping you. As Chris brown said, “These h*es ain’t loyalty.”
But a parent passing is an awful experience and is universally understood. Unless you work for a heartless place like Ares, go to your closest senior mentor or boss at work and be honest. Tell them you’re having a hard time with the loss and ask for advice. Talk to them about maybe a two week break or an unpaid couple months or something similar.
I know that finance is a desolate place and people only care about themselves and their bonus, but I have to believe a death in the family is what constitutes a true emergency and legit reason for a short break.
Alternatively, your mental health issues will only be exacerbated in a field like mega fun PE. Are you sure the money is worth it?
This has already cost you your mental health and future marriage. Perhaps down shifting to a BB financial sponsors group would be good for you. Sure, you give up mega bucks, but you will still get paid well and will be leagues ahead of others in the group, who will mostly be the losers that could never break into PE.
I became a ski bum for 9 months after 3 years in IB during Covid so have a nice big gap on my resume… I now work in corp dev at a “fun company” which I enjoy, but the pay is low and I have entertained moving to a fund with limited success (only got one offer at a super small fund).
Once you’re not in banking, it gets harder to recruit and go to the buyside. A lot of funds want someone who is exactly 24-25 years old for some reason. I can go back to IB whenever I want though.
Please feel free to DM me
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