Moving to NYC from SF for dating
I work at a fund in the Bay Area. I’m a single, 5 8’ Hispanic dude. Mid 20s. Obviously not Brad Pitt but I do alright.
I have heard lots of people trash the dating scene in SF. Which definitely makes sense to me, I’ve noticed I’m able to pull far less baddies then at my SEC college, there seems to be less attractive women here overall, and all the dudes here seem to be killing it professionally which drives up the competition. Only city in the world where I’ve regularly seen couples where the dude is better looking than the girl. I still have been getting dates, had a gf out here etc but does feel like playing on hard mode. I’m on the apps and ghosting seems to be super common here.
I’ve heard NYC is essentially the best place to date as a young single guy and that you can kill it even as an average dude, as long as you’ve got a decent job and aren’t awkward.
Is this true, or is it a grass is greener effect? Would love to hear how the dating scene is for a young buck working on the buyside / IB in NYC
Based on the most helpful WSO content, NYC does have a reputation for being a better dating scene for young single guys compared to SF, especially for those in finance. Here's what you need to know:
Dating Dynamics in NYC:
Comparison to SF:
Challenges in NYC:
Tips for Success:
In summary, NYC can indeed be a great place for dating as a young single guy in finance, but it’s not without its challenges. If you’re willing to embrace the city's fast-paced lifestyle and put yourself out there, you’ll likely find it a step up from SF in terms of dating opportunities.
Sources: NYC worth it?, NEW YORK is OVERRATED, Why You Should Leave NYC After Your Analyst Stint, I F***ING HATE NEW YORK, Let's Talk Saving
Bump as an incoming FT sf analyst in a month 😭
Dating in SF sucks, pretty sure any city is better than that.
That being said, lived in a few cities and just outside of NYC. NYC has been far the easiest for me when it came to dating. If you use dating apps consistently and not half-assing talking to girls you match with, getting at least 1-2 dates a month is very feasible as an 'average' guy.
Lived in both. Can confirm nyc is much better for dating in general. When you isolate for finance, even more so. Finance isn’t the cream of the crop in SF; women there are looking for tech guys.
One of my friends is literally moving to nyc from sf to find a wife. It’s not a bad idea if that’s your goal.
NYC is definitely better for dudes and SF is better for chicks. I’m an average looking girl and met my husband, who is an absolute Adonis of a man, and also charismatic and brilliant, a week after moving to SF.
In NYC, I dated a bunch of avg looking and not so charming trader/PE/hedge fund bros who all eventually dumped my ass for some hot nurse.
Op should move to NYC
When I saw the headline I thought "moving to NY for dating" was going to be that you have a gf in NY and are going to move for her specifically.
Moving just because of the dating scene is pretty extreme, but I too have noticed how much better NY is than SF.
Reason SF is bad is pretty straightforward, tech cities are sausage fests. Ask any single guy in Austin. And then SF has an additional talent drain issue which is all the CA girls who look good move to SoCal. So you end up with an over supply of dudes, who are also successful dudes, and an undersupply of dateable women.
Why NY is good is more complicated, but for whatever reason the guys there tend to be weak and kinda gay (not talking about literal gay guys, but the other ones . . "pee sitting down" energy) so a regular dude stands out better.
I'd still be cautious about that move. Good buyside jobs don't grow on trees and you've heard the saying 'behind every hot girl is a guy who's tired of fucking her'. The goal is to find only one good one which may not be so much a function of the dating market, more about your individual actions.
SF did have some industries that attracted more women when I first moved there in 2005. Cosmetics companies like Bare Essentials were HQ there, but got acquired and moved to places like NYC (Benefit Cosmetics are still there). Also, retail brands like Macy’s, Gap. I think are still there. Duty Free Stores (owned by LVMH) moved out to Hong Kong. These are the types of industries that got acquired and shipped out of SF, or streamlined.
I’ve had college friends who were girls who moved to SF to work at these companies and now they are gone.
We can blame Wall Street for that.
If you BYOG (bring your own girl), you’ll be in a good spot.
Tech hub and lower population than NYC (1 million vs 8+ million) are the main reasons. That said, you only need to find that one person and that could happen anywhere.
Go to the comet club on a Friday night it’s three girls for every guy.
good luck with the cross-country trifecta
Having lived in both, NYC blows SF out of the water as a guy
SF has a limited amount of good looking women, its more competitive, and the girls are more boring
I’ve been traveling through Asia this summer. I’m a real estate person and amateur sociologist/urban planner. I actually see parallels using the eye test as a tourist in China/Taiwan and maybe can explain SF’s situation. As far as talent, I would rank:
#1 Guangzhou (massive city, young people)
#2 Hong Kong (lots of tourists, nightlife)
#3 Taipei (only 2.5MM pop, didn’t feel crowded)
#4 Shenzhen (tech hub like SF)
Can’t speak for the dating part since I’m not on the market and can’t speak Chinese, but the eye test.
Guangzhou is like LA. Big city. A spectrum of socioeconomic neighborhoods, old and newer parts of town. Tourists but a lot of homegrown talent. You can grow up there and live there.
Hong Kong, you have big city with a lot of tourists and folks there for the city intrigue and career advancement.
Taipei, there’s some tourism, but you’re comparing a city of 2.5 million to mega cities 8+ million.
Which gets me to Shenzhen, which has a lot of parallels with the SF Bay Area. First of all, it’s called the “overnight city” because it went from 300K population in 1980 to 18 million in 2026. All the buildings are new. It’s like living in Mission Bay, SF. You’re not going to find old neighborhoods. People move there to find work and go to school. It’s pretty intentional and a higher bar to survive living there financially. Therefore, priority is brains.
A lot of the so called good looking people you might see on the streets or malls in LA and NYC are tourists or students. That’s like what I saw in Hong Kong.
Despite being cities geographically close to one another (Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Hong Kong), there are interesting differences according to the eye test and some comparative analysis.
What would help SF is: a major university within the City (USF and SF State are small). Bounce back in tourism, particularly international tourism. That would feed the night life (as would the university students, Berkeley, Stanford, UC Davis are a bit too far to make a difference; San Jose has a pretty decent nightlife and SJ State is nearby which helps). If I had supernatural abilities, I would create more land so there was more affordable housing. Lastly, I would build off of the success of beauty/ fashion start ups now big brands Bare Essentials, Benefit Cosmetics, StichFix and cultivate those industries start up to mid stage to attract other new types of professions.
SF is a great place to live and have a career especially if you BYOG (bring your own girl).
Actually the SF Mayor is implementing one of my recommendations (this could help with reviving the nightlife and balancing out the guy/girl ratio):
We just cut the ribbon on Third Coast Foundry–a hub of eight Midwestern universities in San Francisco.
These universities will bring energy and innovation to the heart of our city. We are so excited to welcome Northwestern, Carnegie Mellon, Ohio State, Purdue, the University of Chicago, the University of Illinois Urbana–Champaign, the University of Wisconsin–Madison, and Washington University in St. Louis to our city.
We’re transforming downtown to be a place where San Franciscans can live, work, play, and learn at any time of day, and this is one more step toward that future.
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