Keep your spouse clueless: Road to Happiness

Hi

In a relationship, you talk about everything because you are best friends. This is easier said than done for us in Finance because they simply do not understand what we do. There is absolutely no point in explaining something to aliens (and we appear like aliens to them). I'd say keep them guessing.

When I was young, I used to get pissed when say Margin Call (movie) depicted our lives in a wrong way (I admit it's one of the better movies though). Wall Street (movie) is just wrong, that's not how we conduct ourselves and what we do. More wrong is American Psycho. Even in the 90s (before really smart people came into the scene with PhDs, armed with their "investment thesis"), that wasn't the case.

Now I think this;

The less they know it, the better our lives are. The less they know about what we do, the better their lives are. Let's keep them guessing, let's not correct them. I am asking.

You want to be best friends with your spouse, fine, but there are some things that are better unsaid. The only thing we have to do is to pretend, pretend that we know what they are talking about.

I was asked once what I did for living. I said I was a stockbroker because that was the only way I could explain to them even remotely what I did. Of course I have never "stock-broked" in my life, but that was the only way I could communicate to my school friends who I played football with what I did for living. I couldn't go into "portfolio management" that leads to more questions that would involve even more specialist knowledge, "M&A" that really puzzle normal civilians, "DCM/ECM and underwriting" that is just hopeless. If I tried to explain really what i did for living, that will make 99% of people in this world feel stupid. It will alienate them. They can pretend to understand, but you know, they don't even get 10% of what you are saying!

It's like this. You explain to undergrads what IS-LM curve is. Before you can do that, you must try explaining to them for the first time that the "interest rate" is what the money is worth. We in finance buy and sell money just like Ralph Lauren sells clothes. We sell and buy money, that's what we do in finance. The normal civilians never get that. They can't think of money as a commodity. Hence they end up making movies like I mentioned above.

Finance remains an area for those with capabilities to understand that level of thought. We are lone people, we can be popular, we are smart, it is ridiculously easy to be popular, but we know that there are people who struggle to "fit in" and "survive."

I don't feel sorry for them. I just don't care and it's best if our relationship with normal people is kept at that level. They think we are people with "greed," with more than enough possessions. We think of them as "simpletons" that want to do 9-5pm and "enjoy life" (whatever they mean). Let's keep it that way. Then everyone is happy and will be happy.

I'd go one step further. Let them win. Let them think that they won. That will make both of us happier.