Backround: 27 year old single male living in NYC (been here 3 years). Originally from a tier 3 city in middle America. Do not have an MBA. Currently in a toxic IB role I’ve been wanting to leave. Just landed a killer offer with a growth equity shop in Texas (where I went to college). I'm really excited about the opportunity & the team... BUT...
The fact that I’d have to leave NYC (likely for a year minimum) really bothers me – the sheer volume and density of high-caliber people here is unparalleled (everyone is smart, accomplished, and sophisticated; I was just never immersed in an environment like this growing up). These are the kinds of friends I have in NYC and the type of girl I’d like to end up with long-term (i.e., equally smart, ambitious, worldly, etc.). It’s not like I won’t get that kinda community in Texas, but it’ll be WAY harder to come by / attain there (especially within the single community given that most people there at this age are already engaged / married). On the other hand, dating in NYC is so tough. It’s been extremely hard locking down a girl I genuinely like because people are always looking for “better” (myself included) – I feel like if I keep going down this cyclical rabbit hole, I’ll wake up at 30+ and be in the same exact place lol.
Ultimately, I don’t want to go back to Texas and “settle” - it’s candidly a lot more “Karen-y,” and nearly all my friends there are engaged / married and love doing the same kinda “Chad” shit they did in college (i.e. golf, beer, sports betting, and fantasy football), which is only fun to an extent. And sure I can always move back to NYC, but that’s so much easier said than done (and you never know what life circumstances will happen after a year). Look, if I already had a gf in this same scenario, I would shut up, take the offer, and move to Texas easily. But I’m simply not at that point.
Anyone else here been in a similar situation? Not a terrible problem to have, but the pros are really high and so are the cons (at least in my opinion). Any advice helps. Thanks kings / queens
If you don’t like beer golf sports betting or fantasy football then idk what to tell you. Sounds like the life
[Wrong reply]
I am country boy who moved between rural parts and the big city multiple times. In multiple countries.
It depends on the phase of life you are in, what your goals are (for each station), and whether you stick to your milestones/progress.
A city is excellent for many things, and the more quiet areas are perfect for others. There is a need for both. I have left NYC and London multiple times and also returned (and then left again). Both cities and the areas have limits to what someone can achieve, just because we work in NYC doesn't mean we will be CEO of that bank one day. Just because someone decides to move to their hometown one day doesn't mean he won't meet the love of his life at a farmers market.
The majority of people I know have moved to the big city, got the job, crafted a career, found the love they were looking for, and ultimately moved to a suburb far away or to a very quiet state to raise a family.
Personally I would prefer a country girl with strong Christian values and not a city/career girl. So moving away from a city would be the ultimate goal for me.
Del. Point below stands though
Edit:
Seems like I’ve struck a nerve here with some given the amount of MS.
Would love to hear how possible it is to become “worldly” working junior IB hours.
I've lived in major global metropolises, regional large cities, and mid-sized towns. My last few moves have gone urban major city -> mid-sized town -> suburbs of large regional city -> urban large regional city -> urban major global city. NYC and Texas are both on that list. You really need to weigh what matters to you. It's entirely possible to give TX a shot and make your way back to NYC - I know quite a few who have gone through that precise loop. You're absolutely right that it can get harder as you age, but only if you let it. My parents relocated in their early 20s, late 20s, early 30s, late 30s, and again in their late 40s, and I'm tracking somewhat similarly.
It's not the same, in many, many, ways, but it's not like you'd be moving to Kinshasa - assuming you're in Dallas / Austin / Houston, it's still a large-ish US city. I do say large-ish, because despite being major population hubs the professional and social scenes feel much, much smaller, especially in finance. I think part of it is driven by the suburban nature of the state - Dallas and Houston metro areas have ~7+ million people a piece, but Houston only has 2 million in the city, and Dallas only has 1 million. Austin has 2 million in the MSA and less than 1 million in the city. People absolutely tend to get married and move out to the suburbs younger, which is a completely valid way of life, but also changes how they congregate.
There are, of course, successful, sophisticated, ambitious people in every big city in the world - but it'd be disingenuous to suggest there isn't an outsized concentration in certain hubs. That said, moving, or staying, for dating reasons seems a little shortsighted. I would suggest instead trying to build toward where you want to end up, and evaluating whether this step gets you closer to that goal. I've meandered a bit professionally and geographically, but always did so because the next step made sense based on where I thought I wanted to end up at that point in time.
I agree with a lot of this and also have a similar pattern of having lived across a pretty wide spectrum (i.e. I've lived in NYC, a city in the next tier (Boston / SF / DC / Chicago), and a city that is a ~50-100 US MSA in a red / rural state). However, I don't agree about dating not being a crucial consideration. I would argue there are two things that determine 90% of your happiness in life: who you marry and what you do for work. NYC offers a type of woman (sophisticated, ambitious, highly educated) that barely exist anywhere else in the US. We're not Europe where each country and even culture has 1-2 cities that act as magnets for such people. Eg., a Danish person wouldn't necessarily want to move to Berlin and lose their culture and/or feel like an alien therefore they move to Copenhagen. In the US, NY "crowds out" all the other cities by having a near monopoly on high achievers in their 20's / early 30's in various industries (finance, law, media & advertising, fashion). There is a degree to which the next tier of cities can compete but honestly there's a notable dropoff in depth of such people. I'm not saying that you need to marry such a person to be happy. In fact, I think a lot of people would be happier marrying a mellower, more beta, less ambitious person. But I personally am looking for such a person and you just won't be as successful finding such a person in the vast majority of the US, they're not around in ample enough numbers for you to meet.
This was true pre-Covid but from what I've seen recently, it's slowly changing.
NYC is getting less attractive (the most attractive people are moving to places like Miami), more hipster (with the influx of people to places like Brooklyn and Harlem), and smart, ambitious people are slowly avoiding the mess of the city (places like Chicago, LA, Texas are also gaining).
No one smart and attractive wants to deal with sharing narrow pavements, tiny old apartments, and decaying subways with a million people, and trash on every street corner, with the lack of real, long term connections NYC offers.
I would not sweat moving to another city especially for a dream job. Dating in NYC is a hot mess and you'll have better luck somewhere like Texas or Chicago, or even Miami. That's been my experience.
I grew up in Texas and would love to move back, currently in New York for the opportunities. If you genuinely can’t do another few months at your bank, and you can’t find a comparable opportunity in New York I think moving to Texas is the move. There are intelligent people but obviously cultural differences. I found Texas a lot more wholesome and friendly than the east coast and west coast (I lived in SF and went to school in LA).
What city in Texas? Austin is pretty different from Houston.
Thank you for all these varying nuggets of wisdom - they’re extremely helpful. If this helps:
1) my offer is in Austin
2) the job market is really tough rn - as much as I’d like to stay in NYC, I haven’t had as much success making it thru the processes at NYC PE / GE firms (way more competitive than the TX gigs I’ve come across given the more robust talent in NYC)
I‘ve also thought about using an MBA (i.e. CBS / Tuck / SOM) to get back to NYC / the Northeast, so that’s also an (mind you very expensive) option.
I love NYC too but I’ve left several times when a better opportunity arises. And I’m about to do it again.
There’s no way I’d get to keep coming back if I didn’t keep advancing my career.
You’re in IB. If you don’t take this role in TX, how long will you get to stay in NYC? You don’t like your current IB role. You might not like any. Even if there is an IB role you like, how long do you get to keep it? VP+ is tough to stay as soon as they decide you’re not on the long term MD track.
So then what . . you settle for something else just because it’s in NYC? Corporate or something?
Much better to go to TX and work in something more high-end from a career perspective, and use that experience to land something good in NYC later.
Dont even get me started on girls. First of all, TX>NYC in that dept generally. Second, your wife is having her sweet 16 this weekend. Be patient.
Way more single people in NYC than in TX so your pool is much wider. In the short term, it may seem frustrating to date around if you want to settle down - but overall it is good that dating around teaches you who is / is not your type.
Also - way more opportunities in NYC so if you hate your job there are more options. In TX if you hate your job in finance there are less options to an astronomical degree. I think the “NY is so cut throat” perspective is exaggerated because NOT EVERY place is like that - so many great places to work in this massive jungle.
Potential approach to help: try out something new in NYC! Huge city with new things to do all the time. This will refresh you and your brain. Obviously, not easy to do in IB but even listening to a new podcast on the way to work, trying a new gym on the weekend, exploring a new 5 star restaurant can help refresh.
Am I Dumb For Leaving NYC?
Yes.
are you wlehs
Honestly…I don’t like it here in NYC man. It’s just the worst. The women here absolutely suck. Idk if that’s a function of my age (23 yrs old) or what, but they all seem shallow, self-centered, and validation-seeking. They just wanna play games. Constantly seeking for “better”.
I recommend you move out if you don’t want your mental health to collapse.
Girls are like that pretty much everywhere, but they start aging out of it quicker in other cities. Girls that stay in new york long term are not good prospects tbh.
Yeah I mean it’s just unfortunate because I do enjoy every other aspect of NYC. But I’ve just seen this same pattern of dating everywhere here, and I’d rather not waste my time and energy on it. The claim from many women that the quality of available men isn’t great doesn’t hold water.
From what I can see, there is an excess supply of well-groomed, highly educated, high earning, kind men that aren’t able to find committed relationships these days, even in a city that supposedly has more single women than men.
But if the majority of single women are chasing the same small group of men, what do you expect to happen.
Bro 23 is a tough age to date in NYC. Unless you’re rich or model material the majority of attractive women will stray from you. There are too many 28-33 yr old dudes that are more established financially/professionally and higher value NYC women will date that pool indefinitely until they perma settle down. I was in your shoes at one point, it’s brutal, but it gets better as make your way up in life
Thx brother this actually made me feel a lot better 🙏
U
I would probably kick it a little longer in NYC if I had those goals you have, if you start bouncing cities for careers, odds are really high that you will end up 30+ in the same place dating wise.
Side note, dating would be significantly better in Texas and other places.
I personally would do as my soul advises me and it does not matter whether it is successful or not , because any chance is great , without trying and without taking a risk you will not know if it was your lucky ticket
Lived in both, but thinking you're more likely to find a wife quality girl in NYC than TX is such an insane statement to me that I can't give you any thoughts. We're living on different planets.
I’ve lived in both and vastly prefer the NYC type of girl. It comes down to what you want though - if you’re looking for a housewife and it doesn’t matter what she does with her life, might be easier to pick that up in TX. If you want to be part of a power couple, NYC probably has more options for you.
Kind of the opposite of "doesn't matter what they do w/ their lives." Would rather have a girl who it matters to be a mother / raise a family than a girl who it matters to make partner at her law firm. If you're into the latter, no dispute that NYC is the better place to be. If the former, better off in TX.
I'm going to get shit on by Texas guys for saying this but the cities in Texas I have seen were pretty ass. Just a few blocks of cool stuff and then copy pasted Walmarts, parking lots, shitty chain restaurants, and 110 degrees of asphalt. Compared to New York which has a lot of interesting neighborhoods outside of the touristy center. Also despite all the "tough on crime" larping the murder rate in Houston or Dallas is 3x that of New York.
.
Not at all. NYC is becoming too expensive
do jobs out there pay as much though?
Maybe there are more single people in NYC but how many of those single people are in your age group and what is their attitude like towards life/dating? I strongly think the dating scene in Texas will be much better. Girls outside NYC have a different approach to dating, and I think are generally more wholesome. I wouldn’t be surprised if within 2-3 months of living in texas you will find yourself in a LT relationship, if that is what you are looking for.
How so?
You’re single, hate your job and have had no luck dating in nyc.
Seems like a pretty decision to take the “killer” job offer and try out texas for at least a year.
The only thing you’re giving up is some future fantasy where you meet a hot and loyal and rich girl in nyc, but that could never happen.
Do it. Get out of your comfort zone and give it a go, you might surprise yourself and really enjoy living there. I moved out of a major city/financial hub to a small town in the Rockies where I know zero people and I couldn't be happier. There are obviously things I miss about the city life, and dating is harder but I've never let that be factor of consideration for major life changes.
If you end up not liking it after a few years then move back to NYC.
Del
Holy shit, reading this thread is like the fucking twilight zone.
I'm a NYC native, went to an Ivy, worked there for a while and gtfo out of NYC as soon as I could. By and large, NYC women are hot garbage. Sure, due to sheer volume, you might find the love of your life. I mean, I did, but generally speaking, it's a massive slog.
This obsession with "high-achieving women" is going to be your downfall. What are you trying to accomplish with that? Do you need her income or something? Are you trying to create some sort of finance turbo-sperg offspring that wants to do IB at the age of 9? Can you look past the high double-digit/low triple digit body count as you put that ring on her finger? Are you both going to work 80 hour weeks while your kid ends up speaking Tagalog as his first language from the nanny? Some things to consider.
Someone had to stick around and be a parent. Enjoy having a neurotic Type A wife who resents your ass for asking her to quit her VP-level corporate communications job so she takes her anger out on the kids. You sound like you only want this type of woman because you're into femdom and get too many of your opinions from fast-talking actresses in movies.
Seriously, go to Texas. If you have a good offer, just go. I think Texas is boring AF personally and Austin is just a wannabe Brooklyn, but you have a fucking offer and hate your current job. You're seriously risking your peace of mind and potentially career progression for...NYC women? Not any specific woman, mind you, but NYC women as a general population? To quote our zombie president: "Cmon, man".
Go figure out what you want out of life in Texas and stop putting pussy on a pedestal. You're not going to meet anyone worthwhile slaving away 80 miserable hours a week at a sweatshop anyway, so there could be 10 million suitable women in NYC and you'll still be single. Take that into consideration as part of your dating outlook.
Hey now - body count doesn't matter (media told me to believe this btw so I've gone against my beliefs and now believe it).
But high double digits - low triple digits seems awfully high even for a "high-achieving woman"
Yeah lmao have to stop meeting bar sluts and club rats. Lots of cute girls at coffee shops, gyms, museums that haven’t been completely ran thru. Please I hope I do not have daughters.
If you think the average NYC woman has had low six figure body counts you are crazy. That’s roughly a new partner every month from age 18 through 28. You need to start talking to actual women and turn off the podcasts.
In reality I would guess the numbers are roughly similar and around 4-15. I would estimate that Texas women have more partners in college due to the party culture in southern colleges while NYC women have more in the city as young adults.
Austin has some great countryside trails if I'm not wrong? I ran several big marathons out there when I was way way younger I don't even remember where we were
I get you 100%. I did the opposite though, I moved to a new city after school and ended up back in NYC. A few questions for you - are you from the city you would move to/do you already have friends there? How is your friend group in NYC? And how are you meeting women?
For my first question, if you don’t know anyone, do not underestimate how hard it is to make close friends and find a good circle. It was easy for me to move to NYC because all of my boys are here. But when I moved to a new city and didn’t know anyone, it’s hard and lonely at times. I made friends, dated a bunch, had a generally positive experience but to me friendships will make or break your experience in a city and if you are starting from scratch it’s tough. You’re also older now and less people your age are looking to meet new people (already have friend groups, settled down with the GF/wifey, etc.).
Also dude you are very young still, in NYC terms, for dating (IMO). Hypothetically let’s say a girl your age is looking to date an ambitious guy. Do you think she’s going for the 27 year old or the 32 year old (who also makes more money than you)? My girl friends have all told me they would date a guy up to about 10 years older than them. I’m not saying don’t put effort in to girls your age or that it’s impossible, but you gotta be patient and also change your approach. Where are you meeting chicks? Randomly out at bars, clubs, whatever? Dating apps? Those things can work but in my experience just aren’t the best course of action if you’re looking for a relationship.
I think what would make you happiest (if I’m reading between the lines) is a close circle of friends and a solid GF. I think those two things go hand in hand - have a good group of friends, hang out with other friend groups/merge parties and stuff, do activities you enjoy and try and meet chicks out in the wild as well (bonus points if sober and in broad daylight).
I dunno, just my 2 cents as a guy who moved and can’t imagine doing so again in late 20’s. Just so much effort to pick up and start from scratch. Also just generally sounds like you enjoy what NYC has to offer and are just frustrated with lack of dating options. Hang in there brother.
Tempora hic ad natus minus occaecati aut. Eveniet enim veniam dolorem velit iure. Repudiandae aperiam voluptas explicabo.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Qui dolorum necessitatibus minus aut aut quaerat. Aut eius dolor repudiandae quibusdam. Officiis quo fuga sit expedita. Eius autem quisquam non laboriosam fugiat. Dicta sed est dolorem consequatur aspernatur.
Dolor facilis ea qui vero mollitia et. Adipisci sed ea maiores est ea nemo in voluptas. Omnis incidunt quisquam sint.
Nesciunt necessitatibus ratione est consectetur nihil maxime nobis. Reprehenderit porro voluptas molestias in quia porro ducimus. Similique deleniti mollitia praesentium recusandae officiis perferendis. Error magni consequuntur eum provident ex quia animi. In numquam culpa eaque et et possimus amet. Ea ea sunt nemo nam.