How to validate yourself as insecure person?
At a good in the UK and I know WSO is probably the wrong place to ask this but I'd rather ask here than any other forum.
How do you go about validating yourselves / "love yourself" (not narcissistic, but like treating yourself with care).
I've had a relatively troubling childhood and alot of the experiences I have had only made me feel more insecure.
Had previously been bullied + some racial abuse. Tried the gym and it still does not help and getting a gf has not either.
Talked about my issues - doesn't help either. I have a habit of turning negative experiences into comedy and make all my mates laugh when in reality I'm fucked on the inside and genuinely broken. When I'm alone in bed, I cry and can't sleep. Not because I feel bad for myself but because of how pathetic I am.
My relationship with my parents is also pretty bad. They care about me, but sometimes the way they act towards me really messes me up.
The shit I get for applying to Ib roles is wild. During the summer last year I didn't land any SA's for BBs/EBs so I spend 3 weeks cold emailing and apparently that made me "an obsessed loser who sits on his fat ass computer doing fuck all ".
They have told me to die repeatedly even as a joke but sometimes it's serious and I've heard repeatedly as I've coming to finishing uni - "we don't want to see you". I got my first IB offer a couple weeks ago at a mid MM firm and when I went to tell my parents they just shoo'ed me away and told me to fuck off.
I haven't told anyone and don't have anyone to share anything good or bad that happens in my life. I genuinely have no one, and it's only hit me now how much of a loser I am. How do I stop seeking validation from them without feeling like I've betrayed them?
Sorry for the rant - just wanted to get this off my chest. Not looking for sympathy just a genuine and quick way to stop having to rely on them.
You could seek therapy my man.
The locus of your identity is currently outside of you. And there is no quick fix.
First, if you don't love/accept yourself, no one else will.
Second, the longer and tighter you hold on to broken glass, the more you will hurt yourself.
Conscious steps towards independence and consistent self-assurance. It will take time, patience, and support. Maybe seek a professional to help along the journey?
Highly recommend reading No Bad Parts and if you can, see a a psychodynamic therapist. This is also known as “depth” therapy where unlike more standard CBT the goal is understanding who you are and the why behind your torment. It has its roots in Freudian and Jungian therapy.
I also recommend reading Marcus Aurelius’ meditations. It’s a short book, but dense with what I would consider fundamental truths of our existence
Thanks man, doing much better now mentally than when I wrote this post. I'm planning on paying for proper therapy when I finish undergrad. I'll start with Aurelius today.
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