Sounds crazy but moving to NY for dating scene
As you get older what you want/values changes over time. I’m 26 and been working banking job in Houston since graduating college.
Houston dating just… sucks.
Smart, educated, ambitious (and attractive) girls are incredibly rare (on the apps) and the city doesn’t have the density that makes finding them irl easier: hour commute, sprawl, etc.
Everyone here is a middle school teacher, bartender, nail salon tech who has the “man is a provider mindset” and yet, they are so basic: dog mom, rodeo, “lots of attitude” college sports and more single moms than you’d believe possible. depressing stuff.
At this point I don’t even care about NY’s COL.
I’m burnt out from Houston, not just dating but no nature, horrible climate, driving, strip mall aesthetic, and culturally not my vibe. NY has 8m people, Houston has 2. Dating both culturally and quality of women has to be better.
Has anyone made a move in banking for lifestyle or dating? Similar stories of wanting to move? Make a life change? Job market is bad currently. Hoping for internal seats to open up in NY after bonuses.
UPDATE: just spoke with my MD today about this we're gonna see if I can relocate, hoping for good news.
I wouldn't call the dating scene here in NY to be great man, lots of options, but very few are actually serious about dating. You're also on the younger side, I didn't find girls really serious about dating until I was closer to 30. If you want to give living here a go, do it, but don't just do it for the dating. On average though the women will be probably more opposite of the spectrum of what you're used to. Pros and cons to everything.
Appreciate the perspective!
NY does have a reputation for flakiness and endless optionality – at this point I feel like taking that over, like, no options lol.
Also 100% agree that moving to NY requires more robust reasons than just for dating: I’ve wanted to live in a cosmopolitan walkable city all my life. Houston feels shockingly small for a “major” US city.
Agreed that there are only trade offs in life.
Curious. Is dating in NYC the illusion of choice? Like, if you're not a top 5% (whatever the metric you want to use) or organically in front of them (e.g., at work) you're basically SOL? I lived in a neighborhood of D.C. that had so many insanely hot girls that it physically hurt to walk outside sometimes, yet I had no organic access to them--didn't work with them, never found them in my hobbies of interest, and, of course, couldn't get a date with them via the dating apps as they're inundated with interest. I always found that it was just an illusion of choice.
There’s a lot of truth in this. Similar situation in NY. You’re not gonna meet the hottest ones on an app, many aren’t even on the apps. Somehow just have to get lucky striking up conversation while out.
NYC and DC are both skewed women to man population, meaning if you are a guy it should be easier to date - not harder.
That being said it also attracts ambitious types as well as social climbers. If you are good looking, outgoing, or in-shape you should still be able to get laid. But IMO a turn off in those cities is how flaky people are for relationships. Less likely to put aside careers for anything else in life, less likely to want to settle down until 30s, and more likely to hold you to very difficult standards (the top of the food chain of marriage quality men will be in both those cities).
OP if it's women you are after I'd consider other cities:
- Southern cities like Nashville or Charlotte. These are much different culturally than Houston, and have more a yuppie atmosphere. Also southern men dont take care of themselves at all compared to coastals or NYC or even Chicago types - and the women are smokes. I dont understand why someone who is solely going after hot women would move to an area like DC where you are dealing with private school educated, elitist, McKinsey consultant, keeping up with the joneses types when you can find hotter women in droves in a Charlotte or Nashville who are a bit more well rounded (though also likely more conservative/religious). If you have a finance job and in-shape then you basically have your pick of the litter
- Midsized midwest flyover city. Think surrounding secondary cities to Chicago (tho Chicago not a bad bet either). Cleveland, Columbus, Minneapolis, Detroit, etc. May limit your career prospects, but in these cities you are basically at the career pinnacle if you work for a Big 4 firm as an accountant for example - where that would disqualify you from many prospects in DC and NYC. Those cities are also plenty big enough to have a large dating pool, and again more organic than Houston. If you know no one in those cities it can be harder to meet people though.
Ultimately, NYC isnt a bad move. I'd consider it if I was single and in early 30s since in many cities that will leave you screwed in the marriage pool. But Id do it to focus on developing yourself, your interests, your career, and your social life - the women then will all follow suit trust me
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Your thesis on dating is sound.
The only dissenting opinions will come from your typical incel on this site who is short or fat or bald or ugly or poor and would strike out in dating in any city.
You would be moving to the number 1 city in the number 1 country on the world. There is a dense population in the nyc area. Models and actress and students all live here. People visit all the time. What other city in the world has as many hot young women within striking distance. Follow your gut man.
Don’t believe me?
Change your dating app location to Manhattan and see for yourself.
Always remember that types of people that whine and complain online. They’re the losers who have nothing going on for them irl and just like to crap on others. Or their narcissistic sociopaths who put others down and brag just to make themselves feel superior.
Yep. Hinge lets you freely change your location and the quality of women in NY vs Houston is night and day.
Of course, getting anyone to commit (goal is ultimately LTR) in NY is notoriously challenging but that's the problem I'd take over the problem I have now (unless I'm really underestimating it it's not like people don't get married in NY)
Dude it’s not notoriously difficult to get women to commit in nyc compared to the other places.
It’s just tough to lock down the hot and rich girls, like it would be anywhere, it’s just that nyc has a ton of hot and rich / upper echelon chicks.
You think the fat and ugly chicks in nyc don’t wanna settle down? Lol.
Sounds very familiar. Oh, wait!
I’ve acknowledged I enjoy putting people down and bragging, while also trying to give advice.
Unlike you, who never shares anything about your life or is helpful in any way.
You may want to consider DC. Highly educated young professionals in a walkalble, transit-oriented city. It’s a happy medium between Houston and NY. Not as overpopulated and expensive as NY but more dense and higher quality women IMO. Also have access to various nature scenery in DMV area.
I’ve lived in the DC area and also NYC. There are significantly more hot chicks in NYC. Also, lots of chicks talk politics in DC which is super unappealing.
I'm in my 30s and have had multiple friends around my age move here from Charlotte / Houston / Atlanta, etc. for the exact same reason. People get taken off the board much earlier down South so you're either left fighting for a small remaining population or getting comfortable being somebody's second husband. Long-term relationship success among that cohort has been kind of a mixed bag, but I think some of them are still enjoying casual dating with a bigger pool.
FWIW I think it's a lot easier to have a short-term fling in NYC than other cities, but I think people here (both women and men) are a little more reluctant to settle down. There's a classic B-school allegory (which I'm probably butchering) where if you have a sample table with 20 jams people are more likely to try one, but if you have the same table with only 3 jams they're more likely to buy one. In a lot of ways that's how I think about dating in NYC versus smaller cities.
Good luck with the move! Once you get over the fact that your new apartment in the city will probably be the size of your master bath in Houston, it sounds like NYC will have a lot of what you're looking for.
Yeah tyranny of choice is the story of modern dating, especially with the apps. Why settle/commit when something better/just as good is around the corner?
This issue is x10 in NY where everyone is busy, ambitious and looking for the best vs in the South where things are slower, more about lifestyle and stuff I'm not very interested in. The NY dating issue is talked about a lot on the internet so I'm aware of the challenges
I talk with my guy friends about this a lot: when you used to marry the best girl in the village (and there were like 5). Now it's like endless optionality and it's both good and bad but definitely more pressure and overthinking lol
Anyway, thanks for the insight. Tiny apt is ok, 20s should be for getting out there anyway.
Doesn't sound crazy at all, lots of people do that. Go for it
Agreed with the other comments saying that I don’t necessarily think this is the wrong idea.
If you’re at least somewhat attractive/take care of yourself and have a good personality dating in the city is whatever you want it to be - if you want to go hu with random people and have fun you can, if you want to find serious partners you also can. Both as a result of the sheer number of people here, but also the types of people the city attracts (vs. it’s more sporadic in T2/T3 cities as you’ve noticed). It’s also way easier to go on dates when everything is in such a small radius and you can subway everywhere (vs. having to figure out driving/drinking/scheduling in more spread out cities).
There’s a lot of great things about NYC (food, activities, nightlife, overall energy) and I would include the dating scene in that.
NYC is by far the best in terms of optionality.
Getting dates with people in Philly was fairly easy in my ethnicity. Somehow my college campus had more women of that ethnicity than men. Many of them I would have considered solid 7-8s in New York. Used to party in a big group that had an even split of guys / girls. Casual hookups / dating wasn't uncommon in my last 2 years there.
DC is also another underrated city.
Dating in the South is weird outside of work / school. A lot of the attractive owmen are married by 25.
Gonna add my own $0.02.
For me and my friends its almost the exact opposite, the hottest chicks in houston and other smaller states were always easy pulls compared to the hottest chicks in New York, i've had white and black friends who made this exact move to NYC and LA and ended up regretting it and moving back to find a significant other.
Then again we have instagram brains so we are going for girls who are 9s or 10s only.
I feel like the image of New York is dangled in so many guys faces they think they'll find a church going Lana Rhoades looking girl with a good career who's single on every corner, that is 100% not the case out here. Those types of girls do exist but they are all dating legitimate multimillionaires and athletes in NYC compared to Houston where they live an average life working in a coffee shop.
Now if you just want more quantity then yes NYC is the place to the be but if you want a stunning girl who looks like Sophie Rain then you'll have better luck in Houston, because if you can't pull or attract those types in Houston then it'll be impossible in New York where there are actual young millionaires and billionaires out to get them.
I would've thought this. Like surely with Houston COL and banking money you'd be living like a king, and with far less competition from increase in "top 1%" etc men in NYC
When I was dating in a few medium US cities like Austin, SLC, etc I thought quality was actually a lot better than massive cities. I went on a lot of dates with girls that had real careers and were pretty wholesome.
The QUALITY of women is far superior in smaller cities than the large cities. Like you said, much more wholesome.
You should do what makes you happy, OP.
Speaking solely for myself though, what you said about Houston being unappealing because women aren't as hung up about their careers and all is actually appealing to me tbh. I've been on dates with lots of women who are doctors, lawyers, etc. and I actually don't usually dig it. There's plenty who were/are great, I'm sure, but on average, lots of people, regardless of gender, who are obsessed with climbing the corporate/career ladder are pretty bland in my experience.
You're already a banker, so you shouldn't have to worry about finances for affording a family, especially in Houston. I personally would rather date someone more normal and down-to-earth at that point, but to each their own.
Being in Boston/LA for a couple weeks for work and the difference is huge versus SF. Makes sense.
Bay Area is kind of weird though. Visited the Bay area ~10 years ago and San Jose seemed like it had a really outgoing downtown on Friday nights. I wonder if that's changed.
I'm from San Jose, it has a nightlife but at this point it's not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's almost exclusively either a Vietnamese or Hispanic crowd. SF has decent spots but they're either too hipster or too "tech" or "finance". There isn't that sweet spot of recent grads and young professionals from a variety of backgrounds. Considering a move after this role to get to a city like LA/NYC that has that.
Lol dating in Boston fucking sucks
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